A few thoughts while wondering whatever happened to Art Schlichter:

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- Is it me or does Wade Philips get more attractive as he gets older? My belt buckle hits the floor every time I see him interviewed.

-I have a mole on my big toe the size of a Lincoln Town car.

-I save gas by keeping my car free of clutter. I just cleaned out my trunk- it had 12 cases of bacon bits and 4 pounds of Cheetos from last spring.

-I recently shared a cab with Manute Bol. He was in the big city doing some charity work, I visiting my infirmed lover. We hit it off immediately. We shared a gallon of Dewars and played slap and tickle for hours.

-I like the Rays in the World Series. I have no information to back it up nor do I have any knowledge of any of the players, coaches, fans or statistics for either team.

-My favorite phrase to use in meetings is “Jive Turkey”.

-I once made love to a dwarf.

-Now that baseball season is almost over, I can finally clean my feet.

-I once played stick ball with Ralph Wilson. He insisted that I play in my underwear and 4″ heels.